I don't know how to deal with them. The new emotional outbursts that Chandler has when he gets frustrated and decides to just cry and cry.
As Father, you want to fix the problem. No matter the issue, when I get down on Chandler's level and try to talk to him about whatever the issue is - he now refuses to talk about it, instead he decides to continue crying and letting out all of this raw emotion. It's taking a toll.
It's hard to go in public with such unpredictable behavior. When these things happen at the mall or at a restaurant, other people don't understand, and they assume that my wife and I are just bad parents.
Honestly, I have stopped caring what other people think. I figure if we all live in Chandler's world, instead of him living in ours - those people can take a hike.
What I do know is Chandler's feelings - justifiable or not - are real. His emotion is real, and I need to find a way to both cope and help him better. So far, I'm failing at both.
Cory Howerton
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sleep Is A Premium
When you have a child diagnosed with Autism, there is no laundry list of things that are going to happen from that point forward. Most cases are unique and require a different level of treatment to overcome the varying circumstances in each child.
I am learning that the one universal issue is sleep - or lack of sleep - associated with being on the spectrum.
Last night all of the kids went to bed on time and it was pretty quiet in the house for a while - something we don't get a lot of frankly. Melinda went to bed around 11- and I had some work to do in preparation for my travels this week to visit a client.
Around midnight, Spencer (3) came downstairs and wanted something to drink. I responded to his request and then carried him to bed. I went back to my tasks in the home office when he re-appeared a few minutes later. Once again, I took him back to his bed and thought we were done for the night. During this little exchange, Chandler (8) also woke up - presenting another challenge - he was frustrated and told me on a couple of occasions that he just wanted to "scream".
Once I got Chan under control, I went back downstairs to finish what I was working on and head to bed. Once again, the little footsteps of a cute and not so tired three year old came bouncing down the stairs. This time, it was pretty clear that he was up - and so was I - for the foreseeable future.
We cuddled on the couch and watched a movie until around 2:00 am. Finally asleep, I made the decision to camp out with him in the living room to avoid waking anyone else up in the house. I fell a sleep around 3:00 - with a 7:00 wake up call. Needless to say, Spencer didn't get up to go to school this morning - Melinda took him later in the day.
Sleep in our house is at a premium. Lately, Aly (6) has been showing signs of not able to sleep, and with the two boys needing medication to get to sleep (Chandler has a prescription and Spencer gets a small dose of Melatonin each night), it can sometimes feel like we only get a few minutes of sleep each night.
I think the lack of sleep is one of the most frustrating things associated with Autism. I used to get very upset - but now I have changed my thought process to understand that this is simply one on one time with each of the boys that I would not normally have. While I would prefer this time happen in the afternoon versus the middle of the night - it's still time with them.
So, feel free to text me if you are up in the middle of the night - there is a good chance that I will be too.
Cory Howerton
I am learning that the one universal issue is sleep - or lack of sleep - associated with being on the spectrum.
Last night all of the kids went to bed on time and it was pretty quiet in the house for a while - something we don't get a lot of frankly. Melinda went to bed around 11- and I had some work to do in preparation for my travels this week to visit a client.
Around midnight, Spencer (3) came downstairs and wanted something to drink. I responded to his request and then carried him to bed. I went back to my tasks in the home office when he re-appeared a few minutes later. Once again, I took him back to his bed and thought we were done for the night. During this little exchange, Chandler (8) also woke up - presenting another challenge - he was frustrated and told me on a couple of occasions that he just wanted to "scream".
Once I got Chan under control, I went back downstairs to finish what I was working on and head to bed. Once again, the little footsteps of a cute and not so tired three year old came bouncing down the stairs. This time, it was pretty clear that he was up - and so was I - for the foreseeable future.
We cuddled on the couch and watched a movie until around 2:00 am. Finally asleep, I made the decision to camp out with him in the living room to avoid waking anyone else up in the house. I fell a sleep around 3:00 - with a 7:00 wake up call. Needless to say, Spencer didn't get up to go to school this morning - Melinda took him later in the day.
Sleep in our house is at a premium. Lately, Aly (6) has been showing signs of not able to sleep, and with the two boys needing medication to get to sleep (Chandler has a prescription and Spencer gets a small dose of Melatonin each night), it can sometimes feel like we only get a few minutes of sleep each night.
I think the lack of sleep is one of the most frustrating things associated with Autism. I used to get very upset - but now I have changed my thought process to understand that this is simply one on one time with each of the boys that I would not normally have. While I would prefer this time happen in the afternoon versus the middle of the night - it's still time with them.
So, feel free to text me if you are up in the middle of the night - there is a good chance that I will be too.
Cory Howerton
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Weekends
Weekends can be tough.
In a world filled with total structure like autistic children need, Saturday and Sunday take them completely out of the regular school day routine they are used to.
Anytime we have a transition, there are challenges. Chandler was very emotional this weekend, crying at times that would not necessarily be appropriate to cry for a child. His feelings were hurt easily and that can at times disrupt our home - and frustrate a Dad who just wants to help and understand.
Spencer showed me he has anger issues now - this is relatively new for him. At one point he was going to "hit me" if I didn't put his newest obsession - Star Trek - into the DVD Player.
I learn something new every day - and this journey has just begun. The thing that we need to be most mindful of is not to reverse discriminate against any of the kids.
What do I mean by that?
We spend so much time trying to cater to and figure the boys out, that at times, the girls accomplishments become commonplace. At the same time, we need to recognize that when the girls accomplish something that they boys have not yet - it's ok to praise them, but we must strike the balance to not hurt the feelings of the boys.
We have five great kids. This weekend was spent together, playing and learning. What a blessing they all are. Even in the tough times.
Cory Howerton
In a world filled with total structure like autistic children need, Saturday and Sunday take them completely out of the regular school day routine they are used to.
Anytime we have a transition, there are challenges. Chandler was very emotional this weekend, crying at times that would not necessarily be appropriate to cry for a child. His feelings were hurt easily and that can at times disrupt our home - and frustrate a Dad who just wants to help and understand.
Spencer showed me he has anger issues now - this is relatively new for him. At one point he was going to "hit me" if I didn't put his newest obsession - Star Trek - into the DVD Player.
I learn something new every day - and this journey has just begun. The thing that we need to be most mindful of is not to reverse discriminate against any of the kids.
What do I mean by that?
We spend so much time trying to cater to and figure the boys out, that at times, the girls accomplishments become commonplace. At the same time, we need to recognize that when the girls accomplish something that they boys have not yet - it's ok to praise them, but we must strike the balance to not hurt the feelings of the boys.
We have five great kids. This weekend was spent together, playing and learning. What a blessing they all are. Even in the tough times.
Cory Howerton
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Obsession
We are all passionate about something. Some might even call you obsessed over whatever that "thing" is for you personally.
One of the natural "side effects" of having children on the Autism spectrum, specifically with Aspergers is that sometimes they become fantastic doctors, lawyers, astronauts or teachers. They focus on one thing their entire life and become great at it. They study it day and night, they can't get enough of it and just when you think that is all they can know - there is more.
As a child, the focus is usually a little more broad. Kids enjoy playing a variety of different games, and their imagination takes them to some amazing places.
Chandler and Spencer are both different, but we notice a lot of the same characteristics in Spencer that we saw in Chandler when he was little (which was the primary reason that we were able to get Spencer early intervention).
Power Rangers
Currently, Spencer's focus is Power Rangers. Chandler went through a Power Ranger obsession when he was about Spencer's age, and we had to buy every single Power Ranger toy and movie available (should of held on to that stuff).
This morning, I walked into Spencer's room and noticed that he was playing with every Power Ranger he had. The interesting part of his play was that he had lined each of them up by type of Ranger and then color. Don't attempt to move one of the Rangers out of place, it will destroy our whole day. You see, Obsessive Compulsiveness is a part of the disorder.
Chandler has become attached to Star Wars and soccer. He has also become very good at Math - and that has become his primary focus in school. The problem with that is, of course, other areas of study have suffered, and we work hard every day to try to keep him on track to move to the next grade.
I have learned that their obsession is their passion. That while it is not always the perfect situation that we have to learn to cater to whatever the current obsession is, allow them to embrace it - and hopefully there is some value to it. Spencer - once a child who was recessing and not speaking, now can engage in a month long conversation about the Red Ranger, his real name and favorite hobby.
Allowing him to focus on his obsession has helped him formulate complicated thoughts and free play scenarios.
One of the things that I have had to learn through all of this is pretty simple. I live in their world, they don't live in ours. They see things completely different. Their level of focus on specific items or tasks might not align with the rest of the world. That's OK - it has taken me almost 8 years to figure this out, but our lives are so much easier now because of it.
While we have to consistently adapt to the needs of the boys, I know that they will be better off because we do. And, I have even learned to like Power Rangers - even if I have seen every movie 1,000 times (a conservative estimate).
Sincerely,
Cory Howerton
Father of Five
Two On The Autism Spectrum
Friday, January 22, 2010
Great Night Of Fundraising
One of the things that I have been able to do is tie my professional life to my Autism fight.
Last July, with the help of a local minor league baseball team, I was able to raise over $2,000 for Autism awareness in the Quad Cities. Last week, we duplicated that effort with a client of mine - the Rockford Rampage of the MISL.
Fans flocked to the bidding tables to win the special Autism awareness jerseys that the team wore, but I had something happen that night that showed the real reason for the fundraiser.
As the team came back on to the field after half time, they throw frisbees into the stand, courtesy of a local sponsor. One of the players picked my son out of the crowd and attempted to throw one to my son - it didn't quite get to him, and another person got it.
Chandler was devistated, and began to have a meltdown in the arena. The player went to the bench, got a soccer ball, and came back to give it to Chandler. This changed the tone of the evening to say the least.
I then had to bid on this players jersey - and we won it. Chandler wears it everywhere and loves to show off the ball, in which the player signed "to Chandler, my best fan."
Following the game, all of the jersey winners got to take the shirt right off the players back on the field. This player spent ten minutes talking with Chandler - he will never fully understand the impact he made on the life of a young autistic boy.
We have our challenges - but I would not have it any other way. I am the proud father of two Autistic boys, and they were sent to me for a reason. While the days may seem long, the journey is an incredible learning experience and I am so grateful for what they teach me.
What Is Autism?
As I begin this journey to document what happens in our daily lives, I thought it was important to answer the question that I get almost every day, "What is Autism?"
This is re-printed from www.autismspeaks.org.
What is Autism?
What is Autism?
Autism is a general term used to describe a group of complex developmental brain disorders known as Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD). The other pervasive developmental disorders are PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not
Otherwise Specified), Asperger's Syndrome, Rett Syndrome and Childhood Disintegrative Disorder. Many parents and professionals refer to this group as Autism Spectrum Disorders.
How common is Autism?
Today, it is estimated that one in every 110 children is diagnosed with autism, making it more common than childhood cancer, juvenile diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined. An estimated 1.5 million individuals in the U.S. and tens of millions worldwide are affected by autism. Government statistics suggest the prevalence rate of autism is increasing 10-17 percent annually. There is not established explanation for this increase, although improved diagnosis and environmental influences are two reasons often considered. Studies suggest boys are more likely than girls to develop autism and receive the diagnosis three to four times more frequently. Current estimates are that in the United States alone, one out of 70 boys is diagnosed with autism.
What causes Autism?
The simple answer is we don't know. The vast majority of cases of autism are idiopathic, which means the cause is unknown.
The more complex answer is that just as there are different levels of severity and combinations of symptoms in autism, there are probably multiple causes. The best scientific evidence available to us today points toward a potential for various combinations of factors causing autism – multiple genetic components that may cause autism on their own or possibly when combined with exposure to as yet undetermined environmental factors. Timing of exposure during the child's development (before, during or after birth) may also play a role in the development or final presentation of the disorder.
A small number of cases can be linked to genetic disorders such as Fragile X, Tuberous Sclerosis, and Angelman's Syndrome, as well as exposure to environmental agents such as infectious ones (maternal rubella or cytomegalovirus) or chemical ones (thalidomide or valproate) during pregnancy.
There is a growing interest among researchers about the role of the functions and regulation of the immune system in autism – both within the body and the brain. Piecemeal evidence over the past 30 years suggests that autism may involve inflammation in the central nervous system. There is also emerging evidence from animal studies that illustrates how the immune system can influence behaviors related to autism. Autism Speaks is working to extend awareness and investigation of potential immunological issues to researchers outside the field of autism as well as those within the autism research community.
While the definitive cause (or causes) of autism is not yet clear, it is clear that it is not caused by bad parenting. Dr. Leo Kanner, the psychiatrist who first described autism as a unique condition in 1943, believed that it was caused by cold, unloving mothers. Bruno Bettelheim, a renowned professor of child development perpetuated this misinterpretation of autism. Their promotion of the idea that unloving mothers caused their children's autism created a generation of parents who carried the tremendous burden of guilt for their children's disability.
In the 1960s and 70s, Dr. Bernard Rimland, the father of a son with autism, who later founded the Autism Society of America and the Autism Research Institute, helped the medical community understand that autism is not caused by cold parents but rather is a biological disorder.
This is re-printed from www.autismspeaks.org.
What is Autism?
What is Autism?
Autism is a general term used to describe a group of complex developmental brain disorders known as Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD). The other pervasive developmental disorders are PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not
Otherwise Specified), Asperger's Syndrome, Rett Syndrome and Childhood Disintegrative Disorder. Many parents and professionals refer to this group as Autism Spectrum Disorders.
How common is Autism?
Today, it is estimated that one in every 110 children is diagnosed with autism, making it more common than childhood cancer, juvenile diabetes and pediatric AIDS combined. An estimated 1.5 million individuals in the U.S. and tens of millions worldwide are affected by autism. Government statistics suggest the prevalence rate of autism is increasing 10-17 percent annually. There is not established explanation for this increase, although improved diagnosis and environmental influences are two reasons often considered. Studies suggest boys are more likely than girls to develop autism and receive the diagnosis three to four times more frequently. Current estimates are that in the United States alone, one out of 70 boys is diagnosed with autism.
What causes Autism?
The simple answer is we don't know. The vast majority of cases of autism are idiopathic, which means the cause is unknown.
The more complex answer is that just as there are different levels of severity and combinations of symptoms in autism, there are probably multiple causes. The best scientific evidence available to us today points toward a potential for various combinations of factors causing autism – multiple genetic components that may cause autism on their own or possibly when combined with exposure to as yet undetermined environmental factors. Timing of exposure during the child's development (before, during or after birth) may also play a role in the development or final presentation of the disorder.
A small number of cases can be linked to genetic disorders such as Fragile X, Tuberous Sclerosis, and Angelman's Syndrome, as well as exposure to environmental agents such as infectious ones (maternal rubella or cytomegalovirus) or chemical ones (thalidomide or valproate) during pregnancy.
There is a growing interest among researchers about the role of the functions and regulation of the immune system in autism – both within the body and the brain. Piecemeal evidence over the past 30 years suggests that autism may involve inflammation in the central nervous system. There is also emerging evidence from animal studies that illustrates how the immune system can influence behaviors related to autism. Autism Speaks is working to extend awareness and investigation of potential immunological issues to researchers outside the field of autism as well as those within the autism research community.
While the definitive cause (or causes) of autism is not yet clear, it is clear that it is not caused by bad parenting. Dr. Leo Kanner, the psychiatrist who first described autism as a unique condition in 1943, believed that it was caused by cold, unloving mothers. Bruno Bettelheim, a renowned professor of child development perpetuated this misinterpretation of autism. Their promotion of the idea that unloving mothers caused their children's autism created a generation of parents who carried the tremendous burden of guilt for their children's disability.
In the 1960s and 70s, Dr. Bernard Rimland, the father of a son with autism, who later founded the Autism Society of America and the Autism Research Institute, helped the medical community understand that autism is not caused by cold parents but rather is a biological disorder.
Welcome
I am a father of five wonderful and amazing children. All of them have special characteristics that make them different from the others, and all of them bring a great deal of love to our family.
A few years ago, my eldest son, Chandler was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. This diagnosis changed our world. I had never before been exposed to autism, or what it means in the lives of the people that it affects.
A few years later, my youngest son, Spencer received the same diagnosis. His diagnosis came earlier than Chandlers, and we have been able to get him into programs for early intervention that I believe will help "cure" him of autism.
This blog is not just to tell the story of two amazing boys with autism, but to discuss the trials that come along with such a diagnosis and what it has meant for our family. It is an open dialog of our life, from a Fathers perspective.
Thank you for your interest in autism awareness - you can either let the diagnosis define you or you can re-define it. I choose to re-define it.
Cory Howerton
A few years ago, my eldest son, Chandler was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. This diagnosis changed our world. I had never before been exposed to autism, or what it means in the lives of the people that it affects.
A few years later, my youngest son, Spencer received the same diagnosis. His diagnosis came earlier than Chandlers, and we have been able to get him into programs for early intervention that I believe will help "cure" him of autism.
This blog is not just to tell the story of two amazing boys with autism, but to discuss the trials that come along with such a diagnosis and what it has meant for our family. It is an open dialog of our life, from a Fathers perspective.
Thank you for your interest in autism awareness - you can either let the diagnosis define you or you can re-define it. I choose to re-define it.
Cory Howerton
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