A lot has changed since I have last posted. Sometimes, life gets crazy, and things take a back seat. I promise to not allow that to happen again.
This cause is too important, the impact is too great.
Since my last post, I have accepted a job in Cleveland with the arena football team. I am very excited to be a part of such a great organization, to rebuild a popular brand in a town that loves football.
I have now been here for three weeks, and my family has yet to join me. It is the longest that we have ever been apart, and it is putting a lot of stress on our family - and the children.
We are also leaving behind a wonderful autism society in southeastern Wisconsin, and great schools.
What I have found in my short time in Cleveland, is amazing people - an Autism chapter at both the State and local level that is unbelievable. I am excited to extend my voice to help them raise funds, awareness and help treat children who desperately need it, and provide resources to families who are affected each day.
I have had the opportunity to already interact with the people in Ohio, and their quick action in turning around a meeting with me was more than impressive. I am excited to work with them going forward.
The next step is finding a home for our family in a school district that will take care of the needs of our children. This has been one of the most difficult assignments I have ever undertaken, not to mention I want to make it happen fast - I miss my family.
I will be posting more often - I am going to try once a week. We are going to do some good in Ohio, and I can't wait to get started!
Cory Howerton
Showing posts with label Father with Autisic boys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Father with Autisic boys. Show all posts
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I didn't ask for this
I didn't ask for this.
I didn't ask to be a father of two Autistic Boys, and three little girls that don't understand why their brothers act the way they do.
I didn't ask to be the father of a talented athlete who has become an amazing goalkeeper, but that I can't put on a team because he can't emotionally handle the ups and downs of a sporting event without an emotional outburst.
I didn't ask for a three year old who is up every night from 3-4:30, and I certainly didn't ask for that as our quality time.
I didn't ask for any of this, but I wouldn't change it. These two young boys were sent to me for a reason, and no matter how busy I get, or what path life takes me, they have become my cause. Rather than saying why me - I said "how can we fix this?"
Where the divorce rate of parents who have an autistic child is extremely high, it is a unifying cause for our family.
As parents we don't choose this - it chose us. Fight the fight, because you are the only one who will for your child. Nobody else has your child's best interest in mind other than you - speak loud, get involved and chose to fight.
I didn't ask for this. I'm just going to beat it.
I didn't ask to be a father of two Autistic Boys, and three little girls that don't understand why their brothers act the way they do.
I didn't ask to be the father of a talented athlete who has become an amazing goalkeeper, but that I can't put on a team because he can't emotionally handle the ups and downs of a sporting event without an emotional outburst.
I didn't ask for a three year old who is up every night from 3-4:30, and I certainly didn't ask for that as our quality time.
I didn't ask for any of this, but I wouldn't change it. These two young boys were sent to me for a reason, and no matter how busy I get, or what path life takes me, they have become my cause. Rather than saying why me - I said "how can we fix this?"
Where the divorce rate of parents who have an autistic child is extremely high, it is a unifying cause for our family.
As parents we don't choose this - it chose us. Fight the fight, because you are the only one who will for your child. Nobody else has your child's best interest in mind other than you - speak loud, get involved and chose to fight.
I didn't ask for this. I'm just going to beat it.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Pants and Shoes!
I would like to start this by saying this doesn't happen every day - but it does.
"My Pants HURT!!!!," screams Chandler from his upstairs bedroom.
"My shoelaces are crooked," yells Spencer after putting on his new light up Spiderman shoes.
Any efforts to assist with the problem cause further blow ups and issues.
I don't fully understand the sensory issues that come with Asperger's.
Chandler has about 40 pairs of pants. On any given day, one type of pant is good, and all of the others can just be thrown away. Pants that were perfect yesterday no longer work for him, and the battle in the morning begins, usually around 7:15.
About a year ago, Spencer was infatuated with the color green. Everything had to be green - so we stopped what we were doing, found some very hard to find Green Nike shoes, to which he wore for about three days before everything had to be blue.
We have to hold our sleeves when we put our coats on, because if the sleeve bunches in the coat sleeve - the day ends right there. Socks have to be seamless or the seams have to be aligned perfectly with the top of their toes, or you have just wasted the fifteen minutes it took you to convince them that it's okay to wear socks.
Last night my wife took Chandler to buy some new jeans. He didn't need the jeans, but there was a good sale, and he has been in "jeans mode" lately - so they went to the mall and picked out a couple pairs of pants.
Something happened between last night and this morning that caused the same pair of pants that worked last night to no longer be a suitable option for Chandler. He started the day by screaming at both of us about it.
I have to admit, I raised my voice at him, partly because I was frustrated, but mostly because he could not hear me over his yelling and screaming. After five minutes of yelling at me, he looked at me and SCREAMED: "DON'T YELL AT ME!"
Honestly that didn't help how I was feeling about the situation. I am a little OCD myself, and one of the things I am obsessive about is being late. I can't be late anywhere. I hate it. His tirade was going to make him late for school, and leave me in the office to explain why he was late, although now the nice women who work in the office understand the word "meltdown."
I never handle these situations very well, because I don't yet fully understand it. Maybe I never will. There are days that I am better with the boys in the morning than others, today wasn't one of those days.
I finally decided to help where I could and allow them to try and figure this out on their own. Chandler found pants that he wanted to wear, and Spencer was fine with his shoes after about a half hour. Then we had to battle the "I don't want to go to school," issue - but that's a topic for another day.
As someone who is an analytical thinker and a problem solver, it's hard for me to not understand what my boys go through everyday with something as easy as pants and shoes. This is one area of growth that I absolutely need help with. I never approach it the right way, and maybe because of the disorder there is no right answer. Maybe the answer is I need to be more flexible and understand that we might have to go through 39 other pairs of pants before we find the right one for the day - and tomorrow, all of the ones that didn't work yesterday might be perfect.
My next post will be about squeezing tight - it really does work.
Cory Howerton
"My Pants HURT!!!!," screams Chandler from his upstairs bedroom.
"My shoelaces are crooked," yells Spencer after putting on his new light up Spiderman shoes.
Any efforts to assist with the problem cause further blow ups and issues.
I don't fully understand the sensory issues that come with Asperger's.
Chandler has about 40 pairs of pants. On any given day, one type of pant is good, and all of the others can just be thrown away. Pants that were perfect yesterday no longer work for him, and the battle in the morning begins, usually around 7:15.
About a year ago, Spencer was infatuated with the color green. Everything had to be green - so we stopped what we were doing, found some very hard to find Green Nike shoes, to which he wore for about three days before everything had to be blue.
We have to hold our sleeves when we put our coats on, because if the sleeve bunches in the coat sleeve - the day ends right there. Socks have to be seamless or the seams have to be aligned perfectly with the top of their toes, or you have just wasted the fifteen minutes it took you to convince them that it's okay to wear socks.
Last night my wife took Chandler to buy some new jeans. He didn't need the jeans, but there was a good sale, and he has been in "jeans mode" lately - so they went to the mall and picked out a couple pairs of pants.
Something happened between last night and this morning that caused the same pair of pants that worked last night to no longer be a suitable option for Chandler. He started the day by screaming at both of us about it.
I have to admit, I raised my voice at him, partly because I was frustrated, but mostly because he could not hear me over his yelling and screaming. After five minutes of yelling at me, he looked at me and SCREAMED: "DON'T YELL AT ME!"
Honestly that didn't help how I was feeling about the situation. I am a little OCD myself, and one of the things I am obsessive about is being late. I can't be late anywhere. I hate it. His tirade was going to make him late for school, and leave me in the office to explain why he was late, although now the nice women who work in the office understand the word "meltdown."
I never handle these situations very well, because I don't yet fully understand it. Maybe I never will. There are days that I am better with the boys in the morning than others, today wasn't one of those days.
I finally decided to help where I could and allow them to try and figure this out on their own. Chandler found pants that he wanted to wear, and Spencer was fine with his shoes after about a half hour. Then we had to battle the "I don't want to go to school," issue - but that's a topic for another day.
As someone who is an analytical thinker and a problem solver, it's hard for me to not understand what my boys go through everyday with something as easy as pants and shoes. This is one area of growth that I absolutely need help with. I never approach it the right way, and maybe because of the disorder there is no right answer. Maybe the answer is I need to be more flexible and understand that we might have to go through 39 other pairs of pants before we find the right one for the day - and tomorrow, all of the ones that didn't work yesterday might be perfect.
My next post will be about squeezing tight - it really does work.
Cory Howerton
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Progress Not Perfection
It's never going to be perfect.
As a profession, I consult major and minor league sports teams on a variety of disciplines - ticket and sponsorship sales, game operations, staffing, etc.
I was in a meeting last week with one client and we were talking about game operations and the mistakes that are made throughout a two and a half hour block of time, where there are many variables to the "show". It's not like a Disney show, or another traveling performance that does the same thing, night in and night out for 150 dates in 60 different cities. The professional sports experience - if it's a good one - changes from game to game, and every night there is a mistake made.
The key to a successful event is - do the fans notice?
I shared with this team that there would never be a "perfect show". It might be as simple as a member of the dance teams misses a step, or something as dramatic as a microphone not working or the lights not coming back on after introductions.
The idea is to make progress every night- the next show is better than the last, we learn from our experiences and build upon them for success.
The same goes for my two boys.
I mentioned in my previous post that I felt the teachers were holding Chandler back. They were giving him milestones to hit, and when he would accomplish those goals, he would not be met with reward, but rather more objectives.
During subsequent conversations with the school staff, they conveyed to me that they were looking for Chandler to accomplish these tasks perfectly (or close to it), and he was not meeting those expectations, and thus they were slowing his integration.
There are many problems with this stance, but the most important thing to note here is none of the issues were academic, but rather they were more about social interaction.
Chandler does much better in social situations when he is around children who are well behaved. He tends to follow before he leads, so when he sees bad behavior, he emulates it. When others are being good, he follows suit there too.
Since he was not being integrated, he continued to emulate the behavior of the other kids in the B.D. room. One time, another kid hit Chandler, and when Chandler responded in kind, he was punished, and he could not understand why.
I shared with them that with children on the Autism spectrum, we needed to strive for progress every day, but to never expect perfection. Chandler is and emotional but driven young man. He wants more than anything to be integrated full time into his general education classroom, and he doesn't feel like he is getting a chance.
With Autistic children, if you give them a goal and they achieve it - you MUST then give them the promised reward, or they feel as if they had failed in some way.
I am not an educator, but I am an expert in Chandler. I know that he is making progress every day - but that if I expect perfection, and try to make Chandler live up to that standard, ultimately we will be disappointed.
I also think it's important to share that while in first grade, we successfully integrated Chandler into his general education classroom for 90% of the day, but because of his IEP, he was required to start this school year in the behavioral disorder room. We were promised this transition would take only two weeks, and it's now January, and we still struggle with getting him time with his regular teacher.
As a lesson, when you have your IEP review at the end of the school year, think ahead. Think about the progress you have made with your child and how that will impact the following school year.
More importantly - celebrate the progress, each and every day. We are taking little steps, but they are steps, and I am a better Father because I live in Chandler and Spencers world.
Cory Howerton
As a profession, I consult major and minor league sports teams on a variety of disciplines - ticket and sponsorship sales, game operations, staffing, etc.
I was in a meeting last week with one client and we were talking about game operations and the mistakes that are made throughout a two and a half hour block of time, where there are many variables to the "show". It's not like a Disney show, or another traveling performance that does the same thing, night in and night out for 150 dates in 60 different cities. The professional sports experience - if it's a good one - changes from game to game, and every night there is a mistake made.
The key to a successful event is - do the fans notice?
I shared with this team that there would never be a "perfect show". It might be as simple as a member of the dance teams misses a step, or something as dramatic as a microphone not working or the lights not coming back on after introductions.
The idea is to make progress every night- the next show is better than the last, we learn from our experiences and build upon them for success.
The same goes for my two boys.
I mentioned in my previous post that I felt the teachers were holding Chandler back. They were giving him milestones to hit, and when he would accomplish those goals, he would not be met with reward, but rather more objectives.
During subsequent conversations with the school staff, they conveyed to me that they were looking for Chandler to accomplish these tasks perfectly (or close to it), and he was not meeting those expectations, and thus they were slowing his integration.
There are many problems with this stance, but the most important thing to note here is none of the issues were academic, but rather they were more about social interaction.
Chandler does much better in social situations when he is around children who are well behaved. He tends to follow before he leads, so when he sees bad behavior, he emulates it. When others are being good, he follows suit there too.
Since he was not being integrated, he continued to emulate the behavior of the other kids in the B.D. room. One time, another kid hit Chandler, and when Chandler responded in kind, he was punished, and he could not understand why.
I shared with them that with children on the Autism spectrum, we needed to strive for progress every day, but to never expect perfection. Chandler is and emotional but driven young man. He wants more than anything to be integrated full time into his general education classroom, and he doesn't feel like he is getting a chance.
With Autistic children, if you give them a goal and they achieve it - you MUST then give them the promised reward, or they feel as if they had failed in some way.
I am not an educator, but I am an expert in Chandler. I know that he is making progress every day - but that if I expect perfection, and try to make Chandler live up to that standard, ultimately we will be disappointed.
I also think it's important to share that while in first grade, we successfully integrated Chandler into his general education classroom for 90% of the day, but because of his IEP, he was required to start this school year in the behavioral disorder room. We were promised this transition would take only two weeks, and it's now January, and we still struggle with getting him time with his regular teacher.
As a lesson, when you have your IEP review at the end of the school year, think ahead. Think about the progress you have made with your child and how that will impact the following school year.
More importantly - celebrate the progress, each and every day. We are taking little steps, but they are steps, and I am a better Father because I live in Chandler and Spencers world.
Cory Howerton
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Weekends
Weekends can be tough.
In a world filled with total structure like autistic children need, Saturday and Sunday take them completely out of the regular school day routine they are used to.
Anytime we have a transition, there are challenges. Chandler was very emotional this weekend, crying at times that would not necessarily be appropriate to cry for a child. His feelings were hurt easily and that can at times disrupt our home - and frustrate a Dad who just wants to help and understand.
Spencer showed me he has anger issues now - this is relatively new for him. At one point he was going to "hit me" if I didn't put his newest obsession - Star Trek - into the DVD Player.
I learn something new every day - and this journey has just begun. The thing that we need to be most mindful of is not to reverse discriminate against any of the kids.
What do I mean by that?
We spend so much time trying to cater to and figure the boys out, that at times, the girls accomplishments become commonplace. At the same time, we need to recognize that when the girls accomplish something that they boys have not yet - it's ok to praise them, but we must strike the balance to not hurt the feelings of the boys.
We have five great kids. This weekend was spent together, playing and learning. What a blessing they all are. Even in the tough times.
Cory Howerton
In a world filled with total structure like autistic children need, Saturday and Sunday take them completely out of the regular school day routine they are used to.
Anytime we have a transition, there are challenges. Chandler was very emotional this weekend, crying at times that would not necessarily be appropriate to cry for a child. His feelings were hurt easily and that can at times disrupt our home - and frustrate a Dad who just wants to help and understand.
Spencer showed me he has anger issues now - this is relatively new for him. At one point he was going to "hit me" if I didn't put his newest obsession - Star Trek - into the DVD Player.
I learn something new every day - and this journey has just begun. The thing that we need to be most mindful of is not to reverse discriminate against any of the kids.
What do I mean by that?
We spend so much time trying to cater to and figure the boys out, that at times, the girls accomplishments become commonplace. At the same time, we need to recognize that when the girls accomplish something that they boys have not yet - it's ok to praise them, but we must strike the balance to not hurt the feelings of the boys.
We have five great kids. This weekend was spent together, playing and learning. What a blessing they all are. Even in the tough times.
Cory Howerton
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Obsession
We are all passionate about something. Some might even call you obsessed over whatever that "thing" is for you personally.
One of the natural "side effects" of having children on the Autism spectrum, specifically with Aspergers is that sometimes they become fantastic doctors, lawyers, astronauts or teachers. They focus on one thing their entire life and become great at it. They study it day and night, they can't get enough of it and just when you think that is all they can know - there is more.
As a child, the focus is usually a little more broad. Kids enjoy playing a variety of different games, and their imagination takes them to some amazing places.
Chandler and Spencer are both different, but we notice a lot of the same characteristics in Spencer that we saw in Chandler when he was little (which was the primary reason that we were able to get Spencer early intervention).
Power Rangers
Currently, Spencer's focus is Power Rangers. Chandler went through a Power Ranger obsession when he was about Spencer's age, and we had to buy every single Power Ranger toy and movie available (should of held on to that stuff).
This morning, I walked into Spencer's room and noticed that he was playing with every Power Ranger he had. The interesting part of his play was that he had lined each of them up by type of Ranger and then color. Don't attempt to move one of the Rangers out of place, it will destroy our whole day. You see, Obsessive Compulsiveness is a part of the disorder.
Chandler has become attached to Star Wars and soccer. He has also become very good at Math - and that has become his primary focus in school. The problem with that is, of course, other areas of study have suffered, and we work hard every day to try to keep him on track to move to the next grade.
I have learned that their obsession is their passion. That while it is not always the perfect situation that we have to learn to cater to whatever the current obsession is, allow them to embrace it - and hopefully there is some value to it. Spencer - once a child who was recessing and not speaking, now can engage in a month long conversation about the Red Ranger, his real name and favorite hobby.
Allowing him to focus on his obsession has helped him formulate complicated thoughts and free play scenarios.
One of the things that I have had to learn through all of this is pretty simple. I live in their world, they don't live in ours. They see things completely different. Their level of focus on specific items or tasks might not align with the rest of the world. That's OK - it has taken me almost 8 years to figure this out, but our lives are so much easier now because of it.
While we have to consistently adapt to the needs of the boys, I know that they will be better off because we do. And, I have even learned to like Power Rangers - even if I have seen every movie 1,000 times (a conservative estimate).
Sincerely,
Cory Howerton
Father of Five
Two On The Autism Spectrum
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