Doors

I finally found a house, and the family will be here in a week. I can hardly wait to have everyone here in Ohio with me, and we can get back into our routine again.

I am in need of a routine just as much as they are. The last five weeks have been awful for me - and them - for different reasons, but they are intertwined.

I called today and talked to Spencer, and shared with him some details about the new house. the only thing that he was really concerned about was the door.

The front door.

He could care less that there is a very cool "secret passageway" in his room-to-be that leads to the attic, where I imagine the boys will spend a lot of time hiding from their parents.

He wanted to know what the front door looked like. So, I took a picture and sent it via my phone, and he was satisfied.

It was a simple reminder of how my little man sees and wonders about things. Most boys his age are concerned about the neighborhood, the back yard, the play room, or a new bike.

He simply wanted to know what the door looked like. I can't wait to watch him walk through it, to hold him and the rest of my family again.

I am excited to get back to our daily, boring routine - which the boys in our family so desperately need. Together again, one family, fighting the fight, and raising our children the only way we know how.

One day at a time.

Can't wait to see you Spencer. Can't wait for you to see the door for the first time in person.

Welcome home.

Sleep Is A Premium

When you have a child diagnosed with Autism, there is no laundry list of things that are going to happen from that point forward. Most cases are unique and require a different level of treatment to overcome the varying circumstances in each child.

I am learning that the one universal issue is sleep - or lack of sleep - associated with being on the spectrum.

Last night all of the kids went to bed on time and it was pretty quiet in the house for a while - something we don't get a lot of frankly. Melinda went to bed around 11- and I had some work to do in preparation for my travels this week to visit a client.

Around midnight, Spencer (3) came downstairs and wanted something to drink. I responded to his request and then carried him to bed. I went back to my tasks in the home office when he re-appeared a few minutes later. Once again, I took him back to his bed and thought we were done for the night. During this little exchange, Chandler (8) also woke up - presenting another challenge - he was frustrated and told me on a couple of occasions that he just wanted to "scream".

Once I got Chan under control, I went back downstairs to finish what I was working on and head to bed. Once again, the little footsteps of a cute and not so tired three year old came bouncing down the stairs. This time, it was pretty clear that he was up - and so was I - for the foreseeable future.

We cuddled on the couch and watched a movie until around 2:00 am. Finally asleep, I made the decision to camp out with him in the living room to avoid waking anyone else up in the house. I fell a sleep around 3:00 - with a 7:00 wake up call. Needless to say, Spencer didn't get up to go to school this morning - Melinda took him later in the day.

Sleep in our house is at a premium. Lately, Aly (6) has been showing signs of not able to sleep, and with the two boys needing medication to get to sleep (Chandler has a prescription and Spencer gets a small dose of Melatonin each night), it can sometimes feel like we only get a few minutes of sleep each night.

I think the lack of sleep is one of the most frustrating things associated with Autism. I used to get very upset - but now I have changed my thought process to understand that this is simply one on one time with each of the boys that I would not normally have. While I would prefer this time happen in the afternoon versus the middle of the night - it's still time with them.

So, feel free to text me if you are up in the middle of the night - there is a good chance that I will be too.

Cory Howerton

Obsession

We are all passionate about something. Some might even call you obsessed over whatever that "thing" is for you personally.

One of the natural "side effects" of having children on the Autism spectrum, specifically with Aspergers is that sometimes they become fantastic doctors, lawyers, astronauts or teachers. They focus on one thing their entire life and become great at it. They study it day and night, they can't get enough of it and just when you think that is all they can know - there is more.

As a child, the focus is usually a little more broad. Kids enjoy playing a variety of different games, and their imagination takes them to some amazing places.

Chandler and Spencer are both different, but we notice a lot of the same characteristics in Spencer that we saw in Chandler when he was little (which was the primary reason that we were able to get Spencer early intervention).

Power Rangers

Currently, Spencer's focus is Power Rangers. Chandler went through a Power Ranger obsession when he was about Spencer's age, and we had to buy every single Power Ranger toy and movie available (should of held on to that stuff).

This morning, I walked into Spencer's room and noticed that he was playing with every Power Ranger he had. The interesting part of his play was that he had lined each of them up by type of Ranger and then color. Don't attempt to move one of the Rangers out of place, it will destroy our whole day. You see, Obsessive Compulsiveness is a part of the disorder.

Chandler has become attached to Star Wars and soccer. He has also become very good at Math - and that has become his primary focus in school. The problem with that is, of course, other areas of study have suffered, and we work hard every day to try to keep him on track to move to the next grade.

I have learned that their obsession is their passion. That while it is not always the perfect situation that we have to learn to cater to whatever the current obsession is, allow them to embrace it - and hopefully there is some value to it. Spencer - once a child who was recessing and not speaking, now can engage in a month long conversation about the Red Ranger, his real name and favorite hobby.

Allowing him to focus on his obsession has helped him formulate complicated thoughts and free play scenarios.

One of the things that I have had to learn through all of this is pretty simple. I live in their world, they don't live in ours. They see things completely different. Their level of focus on specific items or tasks might not align with the rest of the world. That's OK - it has taken me almost 8 years to figure this out, but our lives are so much easier now because of it.

While we have to consistently adapt to the needs of the boys, I know that they will be better off because we do. And, I have even learned to like Power Rangers - even if I have seen every movie 1,000 times (a conservative estimate).

Sincerely,

Cory Howerton
Father of Five
Two On The Autism Spectrum