A lot has changed since I have last posted. Sometimes, life gets crazy, and things take a back seat. I promise to not allow that to happen again.
This cause is too important, the impact is too great.
Since my last post, I have accepted a job in Cleveland with the arena football team. I am very excited to be a part of such a great organization, to rebuild a popular brand in a town that loves football.
I have now been here for three weeks, and my family has yet to join me. It is the longest that we have ever been apart, and it is putting a lot of stress on our family - and the children.
We are also leaving behind a wonderful autism society in southeastern Wisconsin, and great schools.
What I have found in my short time in Cleveland, is amazing people - an Autism chapter at both the State and local level that is unbelievable. I am excited to extend my voice to help them raise funds, awareness and help treat children who desperately need it, and provide resources to families who are affected each day.
I have had the opportunity to already interact with the people in Ohio, and their quick action in turning around a meeting with me was more than impressive. I am excited to work with them going forward.
The next step is finding a home for our family in a school district that will take care of the needs of our children. This has been one of the most difficult assignments I have ever undertaken, not to mention I want to make it happen fast - I miss my family.
I will be posting more often - I am going to try once a week. We are going to do some good in Ohio, and I can't wait to get started!
Cory Howerton
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The way I see it...
My wife reminded me of something today.
I see things differently than other people. I am addicted to my work - no obsessed with it. I have spent my entire adult life perfecting my craft and not letting anything get in the way. Well almost anything.
I have a temper that frustrates me, and get enraged when people don't understand what I am trying to articulate. I got so angry a year ago, I went to great lengths to get my contract voided with my former employer - I hated them that much, I irrationally put my career on the line to leave in the middle of the season.
I have a hard time concentrating on a specific task that is not related to work (and even at work, my A.D.D. kicks in and my focus shifts).
My mother used to say "I hope you have a son just like you."
Turns out - I have two.
And that makes me wonder....Am I on the spectrum too? Could it be because of me that my two boys struggle in school, are obsessed with specific tasks and get angry easily? Is it because of me that they make irrational decisions and do things that at the time make sense to them, but in the end make no sense at all?
After talking about it, my wife and I decided that I would see a doctor and be tested. Maybe through this discovery, I will be a better husband and father, a better more engaged manager and employee and be able to help and understand my two boys better.
When my boys do things that people would label as strange, I think "I remember doing that." So it's possible I am taking this journey with them. That I understand more than I thought I did and that they have a little more in common with Dad than they had hoped.
What a journey this is. Just when I think I have learned something that will help them, it helps me. This will help us unlock some answers, and truly know if Autism is genetic, rather than a problem with immunizations.
I promise to write the story about Spencer and his unique way of discovering things, and I promise to be more consistent with my posts. I look forward to updating you with the doctors findings.
Cory Howerton
Father of two amazing boys on the autism spectrum
I see things differently than other people. I am addicted to my work - no obsessed with it. I have spent my entire adult life perfecting my craft and not letting anything get in the way. Well almost anything.
I have a temper that frustrates me, and get enraged when people don't understand what I am trying to articulate. I got so angry a year ago, I went to great lengths to get my contract voided with my former employer - I hated them that much, I irrationally put my career on the line to leave in the middle of the season.
I have a hard time concentrating on a specific task that is not related to work (and even at work, my A.D.D. kicks in and my focus shifts).
My mother used to say "I hope you have a son just like you."
Turns out - I have two.
And that makes me wonder....Am I on the spectrum too? Could it be because of me that my two boys struggle in school, are obsessed with specific tasks and get angry easily? Is it because of me that they make irrational decisions and do things that at the time make sense to them, but in the end make no sense at all?
After talking about it, my wife and I decided that I would see a doctor and be tested. Maybe through this discovery, I will be a better husband and father, a better more engaged manager and employee and be able to help and understand my two boys better.
When my boys do things that people would label as strange, I think "I remember doing that." So it's possible I am taking this journey with them. That I understand more than I thought I did and that they have a little more in common with Dad than they had hoped.
What a journey this is. Just when I think I have learned something that will help them, it helps me. This will help us unlock some answers, and truly know if Autism is genetic, rather than a problem with immunizations.
I promise to write the story about Spencer and his unique way of discovering things, and I promise to be more consistent with my posts. I look forward to updating you with the doctors findings.
Cory Howerton
Father of two amazing boys on the autism spectrum
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Transitions
We're moving.
Change is not good.
As we prepare to take our boys out of their schools and a place where they get fantastic services, I think a lot about how this is going to affect them short term.
About ten months ago, I left a job I hated to start my own company, and recently on a referral from one of my clients, I was offered an opportunity to pursue a dream - so I took it.
We are moving to a real city, with larger buildings, and things to do. A city with major league teams and summer activities that are not centered around corn.
I firmly believe that the boys are going to love the move, once we get there and get settled. I know that when they start school again next year, while it will be different, they will do fine. Making friends is always hard, but doing so when you are autistic is going to be a challenge - but as with everything else we do, we will get through it.
These boys are hard. Being a parent of one autistic son is difficult enough, but two is un-real.
FIRST DAYS
When I speak to groups of autistic parents, especially those who have just found out that their child is on the autism spectrum, we talk about the "first day."
Your life changes when you get the diagnosis. In essence, it starts over. The first day is the hardest, and while it seems like it doesn't get any easier, it will. At least in most cases.
I meet people all the time that are having a difficult time with their autistic child. Sometimes the behavior is so out of control that parents need help from doctors, local agencies or other resources that are available - including medication.
Remember that you are their voice - you are their advocate - you are the person that loves them. Fight for them, and when you are tired - fight some more. Call the doctors a hundred times, and never give up. They are counting on you and if they will ever have a chance to be independent as an adult, you must fight for them now.
They analyze everything in a different way. We will never fully understand the challenges they face each day. But we must be strong, even in difficult times, and it will be difficult.
Some people will shun you. You might lose some friends. Nothing changes the fact that you are a great parent, with an amazing gift of a child. Never lose sight of that.
NEXT: Interesting interpretations of a young autistic child.
Change is not good.
As we prepare to take our boys out of their schools and a place where they get fantastic services, I think a lot about how this is going to affect them short term.
About ten months ago, I left a job I hated to start my own company, and recently on a referral from one of my clients, I was offered an opportunity to pursue a dream - so I took it.
We are moving to a real city, with larger buildings, and things to do. A city with major league teams and summer activities that are not centered around corn.
I firmly believe that the boys are going to love the move, once we get there and get settled. I know that when they start school again next year, while it will be different, they will do fine. Making friends is always hard, but doing so when you are autistic is going to be a challenge - but as with everything else we do, we will get through it.
These boys are hard. Being a parent of one autistic son is difficult enough, but two is un-real.
FIRST DAYS
When I speak to groups of autistic parents, especially those who have just found out that their child is on the autism spectrum, we talk about the "first day."
Your life changes when you get the diagnosis. In essence, it starts over. The first day is the hardest, and while it seems like it doesn't get any easier, it will. At least in most cases.
I meet people all the time that are having a difficult time with their autistic child. Sometimes the behavior is so out of control that parents need help from doctors, local agencies or other resources that are available - including medication.
Remember that you are their voice - you are their advocate - you are the person that loves them. Fight for them, and when you are tired - fight some more. Call the doctors a hundred times, and never give up. They are counting on you and if they will ever have a chance to be independent as an adult, you must fight for them now.
They analyze everything in a different way. We will never fully understand the challenges they face each day. But we must be strong, even in difficult times, and it will be difficult.
Some people will shun you. You might lose some friends. Nothing changes the fact that you are a great parent, with an amazing gift of a child. Never lose sight of that.
NEXT: Interesting interpretations of a young autistic child.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I didn't ask for this
I didn't ask for this.
I didn't ask to be a father of two Autistic Boys, and three little girls that don't understand why their brothers act the way they do.
I didn't ask to be the father of a talented athlete who has become an amazing goalkeeper, but that I can't put on a team because he can't emotionally handle the ups and downs of a sporting event without an emotional outburst.
I didn't ask for a three year old who is up every night from 3-4:30, and I certainly didn't ask for that as our quality time.
I didn't ask for any of this, but I wouldn't change it. These two young boys were sent to me for a reason, and no matter how busy I get, or what path life takes me, they have become my cause. Rather than saying why me - I said "how can we fix this?"
Where the divorce rate of parents who have an autistic child is extremely high, it is a unifying cause for our family.
As parents we don't choose this - it chose us. Fight the fight, because you are the only one who will for your child. Nobody else has your child's best interest in mind other than you - speak loud, get involved and chose to fight.
I didn't ask for this. I'm just going to beat it.
I didn't ask to be a father of two Autistic Boys, and three little girls that don't understand why their brothers act the way they do.
I didn't ask to be the father of a talented athlete who has become an amazing goalkeeper, but that I can't put on a team because he can't emotionally handle the ups and downs of a sporting event without an emotional outburst.
I didn't ask for a three year old who is up every night from 3-4:30, and I certainly didn't ask for that as our quality time.
I didn't ask for any of this, but I wouldn't change it. These two young boys were sent to me for a reason, and no matter how busy I get, or what path life takes me, they have become my cause. Rather than saying why me - I said "how can we fix this?"
Where the divorce rate of parents who have an autistic child is extremely high, it is a unifying cause for our family.
As parents we don't choose this - it chose us. Fight the fight, because you are the only one who will for your child. Nobody else has your child's best interest in mind other than you - speak loud, get involved and chose to fight.
I didn't ask for this. I'm just going to beat it.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Temple Grandin
I had the opportunity two weeks ago to watch the HBO movie Temple Grandin, based on the life of an autistic woman who was diagnosed with the disorder in the 1960's, when it was more popular to institutionalize these children then intervene.
I had the honor of watching this movie with my son Chandler- who, throughout the movie made statements like, "Daddy, that's how I feel," or "that's how I see things."
It was a true learning experience for our family. I encourage anyone who has a child on the spectrum to watch this great movie. It is inspiring and educational.
Recently Temple visited with the people at PSU, and this interview is amazing. It is lengthy, but I couldn't turn it off. It really offers insight from someone who can articulate what having this disorder is like.
It can be found here: http://conversations.psu.edu/episodes/temple_grandin
I would recommend sharing this with anyone who is not educated about the Spectrum - or parents who are just starting on this journey.
I had the honor of watching this movie with my son Chandler- who, throughout the movie made statements like, "Daddy, that's how I feel," or "that's how I see things."
It was a true learning experience for our family. I encourage anyone who has a child on the spectrum to watch this great movie. It is inspiring and educational.
Recently Temple visited with the people at PSU, and this interview is amazing. It is lengthy, but I couldn't turn it off. It really offers insight from someone who can articulate what having this disorder is like.
It can be found here: http://conversations.psu.edu/episodes/temple_grandin
I would recommend sharing this with anyone who is not educated about the Spectrum - or parents who are just starting on this journey.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Pants and Shoes!
I would like to start this by saying this doesn't happen every day - but it does.
"My Pants HURT!!!!," screams Chandler from his upstairs bedroom.
"My shoelaces are crooked," yells Spencer after putting on his new light up Spiderman shoes.
Any efforts to assist with the problem cause further blow ups and issues.
I don't fully understand the sensory issues that come with Asperger's.
Chandler has about 40 pairs of pants. On any given day, one type of pant is good, and all of the others can just be thrown away. Pants that were perfect yesterday no longer work for him, and the battle in the morning begins, usually around 7:15.
About a year ago, Spencer was infatuated with the color green. Everything had to be green - so we stopped what we were doing, found some very hard to find Green Nike shoes, to which he wore for about three days before everything had to be blue.
We have to hold our sleeves when we put our coats on, because if the sleeve bunches in the coat sleeve - the day ends right there. Socks have to be seamless or the seams have to be aligned perfectly with the top of their toes, or you have just wasted the fifteen minutes it took you to convince them that it's okay to wear socks.
Last night my wife took Chandler to buy some new jeans. He didn't need the jeans, but there was a good sale, and he has been in "jeans mode" lately - so they went to the mall and picked out a couple pairs of pants.
Something happened between last night and this morning that caused the same pair of pants that worked last night to no longer be a suitable option for Chandler. He started the day by screaming at both of us about it.
I have to admit, I raised my voice at him, partly because I was frustrated, but mostly because he could not hear me over his yelling and screaming. After five minutes of yelling at me, he looked at me and SCREAMED: "DON'T YELL AT ME!"
Honestly that didn't help how I was feeling about the situation. I am a little OCD myself, and one of the things I am obsessive about is being late. I can't be late anywhere. I hate it. His tirade was going to make him late for school, and leave me in the office to explain why he was late, although now the nice women who work in the office understand the word "meltdown."
I never handle these situations very well, because I don't yet fully understand it. Maybe I never will. There are days that I am better with the boys in the morning than others, today wasn't one of those days.
I finally decided to help where I could and allow them to try and figure this out on their own. Chandler found pants that he wanted to wear, and Spencer was fine with his shoes after about a half hour. Then we had to battle the "I don't want to go to school," issue - but that's a topic for another day.
As someone who is an analytical thinker and a problem solver, it's hard for me to not understand what my boys go through everyday with something as easy as pants and shoes. This is one area of growth that I absolutely need help with. I never approach it the right way, and maybe because of the disorder there is no right answer. Maybe the answer is I need to be more flexible and understand that we might have to go through 39 other pairs of pants before we find the right one for the day - and tomorrow, all of the ones that didn't work yesterday might be perfect.
My next post will be about squeezing tight - it really does work.
Cory Howerton
"My Pants HURT!!!!," screams Chandler from his upstairs bedroom.
"My shoelaces are crooked," yells Spencer after putting on his new light up Spiderman shoes.
Any efforts to assist with the problem cause further blow ups and issues.
I don't fully understand the sensory issues that come with Asperger's.
Chandler has about 40 pairs of pants. On any given day, one type of pant is good, and all of the others can just be thrown away. Pants that were perfect yesterday no longer work for him, and the battle in the morning begins, usually around 7:15.
About a year ago, Spencer was infatuated with the color green. Everything had to be green - so we stopped what we were doing, found some very hard to find Green Nike shoes, to which he wore for about three days before everything had to be blue.
We have to hold our sleeves when we put our coats on, because if the sleeve bunches in the coat sleeve - the day ends right there. Socks have to be seamless or the seams have to be aligned perfectly with the top of their toes, or you have just wasted the fifteen minutes it took you to convince them that it's okay to wear socks.
Last night my wife took Chandler to buy some new jeans. He didn't need the jeans, but there was a good sale, and he has been in "jeans mode" lately - so they went to the mall and picked out a couple pairs of pants.
Something happened between last night and this morning that caused the same pair of pants that worked last night to no longer be a suitable option for Chandler. He started the day by screaming at both of us about it.
I have to admit, I raised my voice at him, partly because I was frustrated, but mostly because he could not hear me over his yelling and screaming. After five minutes of yelling at me, he looked at me and SCREAMED: "DON'T YELL AT ME!"
Honestly that didn't help how I was feeling about the situation. I am a little OCD myself, and one of the things I am obsessive about is being late. I can't be late anywhere. I hate it. His tirade was going to make him late for school, and leave me in the office to explain why he was late, although now the nice women who work in the office understand the word "meltdown."
I never handle these situations very well, because I don't yet fully understand it. Maybe I never will. There are days that I am better with the boys in the morning than others, today wasn't one of those days.
I finally decided to help where I could and allow them to try and figure this out on their own. Chandler found pants that he wanted to wear, and Spencer was fine with his shoes after about a half hour. Then we had to battle the "I don't want to go to school," issue - but that's a topic for another day.
As someone who is an analytical thinker and a problem solver, it's hard for me to not understand what my boys go through everyday with something as easy as pants and shoes. This is one area of growth that I absolutely need help with. I never approach it the right way, and maybe because of the disorder there is no right answer. Maybe the answer is I need to be more flexible and understand that we might have to go through 39 other pairs of pants before we find the right one for the day - and tomorrow, all of the ones that didn't work yesterday might be perfect.
My next post will be about squeezing tight - it really does work.
Cory Howerton
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Away From Home
I travel a lot for business, so whenever possible, I like them to join me on various trips. This weekend, we were fortunate enough to only be two hours from home, and they kids are out of school on Monday - so we made it a family weekend in a Chicago suburb.
It was a tough weekend.
It seemed that Chandler had a meltdown at every turn and Spencer decided to join him.
On any given day, one of them might be frustrated, upset, or melting down. Rarely do we have the pleasure of both of them doing it at the same time, let alone all weekend.
My wife reminded me a number of times this weekend that we live in their world. This is something I talk about a lot, but when you're in the moment, it's hard to remember.
What I found most frustrating was when there was an issue - and there were many - we were able to provide solutions to the problem that make perfect sense to you and I. But simply stating the solution to an autistic child is sometimes useless. I found that when they were rejecting the solutions, I was getting frustrated - no mad - because they would not listen to reason.
I need to be more patient. It is only through patience and understanding that I will truly be a good father to these amazing boys. I learned something this weekend, even if it was frustrating and even maddening. I am grateful for the lessons learned during a long weekend away from home.
Cory Howerton
It was a tough weekend.
It seemed that Chandler had a meltdown at every turn and Spencer decided to join him.
On any given day, one of them might be frustrated, upset, or melting down. Rarely do we have the pleasure of both of them doing it at the same time, let alone all weekend.
My wife reminded me a number of times this weekend that we live in their world. This is something I talk about a lot, but when you're in the moment, it's hard to remember.
What I found most frustrating was when there was an issue - and there were many - we were able to provide solutions to the problem that make perfect sense to you and I. But simply stating the solution to an autistic child is sometimes useless. I found that when they were rejecting the solutions, I was getting frustrated - no mad - because they would not listen to reason.
I need to be more patient. It is only through patience and understanding that I will truly be a good father to these amazing boys. I learned something this weekend, even if it was frustrating and even maddening. I am grateful for the lessons learned during a long weekend away from home.
Cory Howerton
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